Joe Perks, Oxford   2 comments

Joe Perks Oxford sign

I entered J. Perks and there was a guy awaiting his food at a table near the coffee machine attended methodically by the only employee I saw the first five minutes I waited at the bar.  In the second five minutes, a cook appeared with the guy’s food (which I assumed he ordered a week or so prior) and the woman was still fucking around with making the two coffees for the fat, loud American woman (but I overstate the obvious).  Close to ten full minutes after I walked in, to allow a couple of minutes for this barista and American to catch up on neighbourhood events she finally asked me, “Can I help?”


Joe Perks Oxford garden

“What beers do you have?”
She listed off a London craft ale, an American pale ale, and Amstel adding, condescendingly, “you may have heard of that one.” The patronising tone was punctuated with that annoying interrogative rise at the end that sounds natural — but no less insufferable — spewing forth from an adolescent girl; it is reprehensible for a grown woman to employ it no matter how thick she is.

Joe Perks Oxford bragging


Settling on the Yardbird Pale Ale I was surprised to find it served in a frozen mug but this was absolutely perfect for the beverage.  I’ve got no memory any more, so I pointed to the glass and asked,

“What’s this called again?”
“Joe Perks,” she said as though I had just come out of anaesthesia.
“No,” lifting the glass and swirling it around a bit and fantasizing about bludgeoning her with it, “I mean…”
“Oh, the beer! Yardbird?  I thought you meant the place?”

“Please stop speaking,” I thought and headed out to the wee garden to hide.  I’m not going to hurry back despite the fabulous beer.  On the other hand, I’m not their target audience

Joe Perks Oxford




Posted September 15, 2015 by Drunken Bunny in Pubs

Tagged with , ,

2 responses to “Joe Perks, Oxford

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  1. Suck My Balls ( adds his (I’m assuming it’s his not her) thoughts:

    Part of my job is editing manuscripts for publication in peer reviewed science journals. This comment should read:
    “These are the musings of a retard.”
    This would be a complete sentence. After that, there are also problems with an apostrophe (or, “inverted comma”) and a comma (or, “comma”) as corrected here:
    “You’re clearly a total loser and a bit of a cunt. Get a job, twat.”
    You’re welcome. (the editor)



  2. Pingback: The Coconut Tree, Oxford | The Endless British Pub Crawl continues...

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