One Armed Bandits at the Beehive, Swindon   3 comments

Here is a story about the Armed Robbery I witnessed last night.

Jackie had been out drinkin’ with some former colleagues and rang me around midnight to come downhill for one or two before closing time.  I threaded my way through phalanx after phalanx of drunks — one group of about 10 was weaving through Union Street scream-singing Purple Rain, except for three of them that were yelling the lyrics to We’re Not Gonna Take It (I LOVE this time of night).  Eventually, I reached the Beehive.

I joined them on the long bench across from the bar as one guy hurried past me.  A second guy, in a red t-shirt, skipped past a few moments later; I noticed him specifically because his near shoulder appeared to protrude unnaturally forward.  I was just about to point this out when Jackie’s mate yelled up to the bartender, “he just stole her arm!”

One-armed Beehive Girl a

I knew immediately what she meant and glanced down at the girl in the corner.  Every time I go to the Beehive I mistake this mannequin for a real person at some point even as I remind myself before entering that she is sitting there waiting for me.  Apparently, so did these guys as they had earlier escorted the lady to the apex room for photos (and, thus, were on a Yellow Card already); when I was retrieving my first beer from the bar I thought they were chatting her up then realised I had done it again.

The bar manager ran outside after them but they were already gone; “the first one must’ve pulled the motor around so they could make their getaway,” he explained as he came back in.  Dylan was on the speakers but Johnny Cash flashed through my head.  My suggestion that now she could lean against the wall to her right was not warmly welcomed.

Exciting times here in the Big Town!  I’m not entirely sure I would want the part back (who knows what depravity that arm would be forced into in the ensuing hours) but if you spot a severed right arm on your travels around town, Bee sure to contact the pub.  Probably best not to touch it, though.

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Posted April 23, 2016 by Drunken Bunny in art, Made Me Laugh

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