Archive for the ‘Made Me Laugh’ Category

Mountain of Fire And Miracles Ministries, New Cross, London   1 comment

I took this photo on New Cross Road while exploring a the neighbourhoods around the site where Jackie was interviewing for a job. I wholly intended to make fun of the quaint storefront Christian church until I read up on them a bit. Not only backward but truly scary motherfuckers, this lot (I don’t think they’ll have a problem with me calling them “scary”).

They claim their church is “where your hands are trained to wage war and your fingers to do battle,” and with sub-groups such as God’s Violent Army and the Territorial Intercessors there is no reason to doubt their resolve. They hunt witches, for fuck’s sake…WITCHES.

Here’s a copy of a well circulated list of rules for couples planning to marry within the church. Good stuff:

 

 

 

Posted July 18, 2017 by Drunken Bunny in Made Me Laugh, Tourism

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Comey and the Cancer on the Presidency   Leave a comment

The spectre of 1974 returned yesterday as the testimony of James Comey drew my attention away from the UK General Election results.

A few weeks before Nixon resigned in disgrace, I bought “The Missing White House Tapes” which had just been released and was highly predictive — spookily so — of the events to come in the month or two ahead. I dug it out of the stacks and, although I haven’t listened to it in 30 years, could immediately remember some of the tracks verbatim. I may have to correct this later, but I’m pretty sure that “The Swearing Out Ceremony” administered by Billy Graham went like:

God damn you, Richard Nixon.
Richard Nixon, you son-of-a-bitch.
Get the hell out of here, you’ve lied your ass off.
Fuck off.

I’m not sure about this next one, but I think it is also responsible for the first time I heard the term “Hung like a Hebrew National,” which would close the loop back to my hot dog story a week or so back.

Oh, right.  It was the weasel, John Dean, that spoke the words “Cancer on the Presidency” in those 1974 hearings.  He has since redeemed himself in my estimation.  Weasel Comey is getting there, too.  Not there, yet, but on a fine trajectory.

 

Traint (the Train’s Taint)   Leave a comment

A while back, I spent some effort trying to convince a guy on the Metropolitan Line of the London Underground that the connective membrane between the two carriages was officially called a “traint,” a portmanteau of “train” and “taint.”  I’m not sure I was successful.  Drink may have been involved.

Posted May 23, 2017 by Drunken Bunny in Made Me Laugh

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Hull-idiz In’T Sun Part 1: Hullspeak   2 comments

I guess I need to explain the title of this post.  I really love regional accents.  In Georgia, you used to be able to make a pretty decent guess (to within a few dozen miles) about where in the state someone was from by listening to them for a minute or so; in Atlanta, you could tell from which neighbourhood they hailed.  Everyone in the States sounds more or less the same, nowadays.

Not so in the UK.  The East Riding of Yorkshire and Hull in particular have an especially lovely tongue, demonstrated on these benches outside the Minerva pub.  While I was there, a Yorkshireman that looked for all the world like Vic Reeves (I’m almost convinced it was him) was harassing a middle-aged couple for not knowing the meanings of the phrases.  He also kept saying to them, “of course y’dunno…yer on yerolidiz.”

So, this big Vic-Reeves-looking-motherfucker points at “Arse In Yer Kirk,” and says “you’ll never get that one.”

I piped in, “ice in your Coke?”

A light cheer came from the others at his table and he turned, looked my way, and said, “oh, your on yerolidiz, too, then?”

“Yup, yup. Molidiz are always like this.”  I meant it like I always seem to be inhabiting an Andy Capp comic, but he’s from up near Newcastle and I didn’t want to start a fight.

So, the rest of this Holiday in Hull (my Hull-idiz) will be spread out over as long as it takes to get the posts out and in as many individual topics as make sense to me.  Enjoy deciphering the rest of the phrases (it helps to say them out loud):

 

Posted May 16, 2017 by Drunken Bunny in Made Me Laugh, Tourism

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It’s Your Round   Leave a comment

Funny.  I had not thought of the Buy Me A Beer Page in ages then a generous woman from The North dumped some cash into my PayPal account.  I hope she looks like this:

 

Posted May 6, 2017 by Drunken Bunny in Beer, Booze, Made Me Laugh

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Have I Got News For You taping 20 April 2017   2 comments

I should have foreseen the course of the evening when I boarded the Jubilee Line tube train. “The Jubilee Line is now closed between Finchley Road and Waterloo. Passengers are advised to use the Bakerloo Line to Waterloo or find other transport alternatives.” The walk from the Bakerloo to the Jubilee platforms in Waterloo Station is roughly the same as from Waterloo to Southwark (my destination on the Jubilee Line).

We eat at this Italian place near Waterloo Station when attending things near Jackie’s job. Our plates arrived and Jackie’s cannelloni looked okay but it had too much cheese (“Italian food for the English palate” she later remarked). A lovely plate of risotto was placed in front of me. “This isn’t mine.”

“Yes, is yours.”
We were under the clock for the start of the show. “I’ll take it but it’s not what I ordered.” Without asking what it was that I HAD ordered she took both plates away then returned, apologetically, in a couple of minutes with my arrabbiata. Okay, I guess, but this place really shines when there is a set menu on offer.

The metaphor stalked us to the television studio and feasted on our carcasses the rest of the night. Jackie had a migraine earlier and was about 2/3 full of codeine; I developed one about an hour into taping.

 

 

We have been trying to get tickets for a taping of HIGNFY since October 2001 when we were in Amsterdam for my post-doc interview and the Amsterdam Marathon.  That episode featured Rich Hall and before we returned to the States, we saw another that had our current MP and Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson, and both times we laughed as though we had eaten hallucinogenic mushrooms a couple of hours before the airing — odd coincidence, that.

Tonight’s show was chaired by Patrick Stewart and, as always, featured team captains Ian Hislop and Paul Merton.  Richard Osman and Angela Eagle (who staged an unsuccessful coup against Jeremy Corbyn, last year) were supposed to be their respective team mates but Eagle, as is her wont, panicked in the face of overwhelming opposition of her own making and bolted from the fight.  She was replaced by the game but supremely unsatisfying Camilla Long.

It took 3½  hours to do the ½ show (plus a few retakes because Stewart seemed addled and was unable to read the prompter nor even respond as though sober).  Ian and Paul also seemed a bit slow but Osman was almost up to the task.

It’s fun to watch how these shows are made, though.  With any luck, we’ll get in again in fewer than 15 years this time.

Surprisingly, NOT a Fetish Bar   Leave a comment

not-a-fetish-bar-rickmansworth

Since I was cutting the run short, anyway, I was pleased when I looked up from my fish treat and spotted what I reckoned to be another pub sign. Even better, this appeared to be a deviant bar so at last I might have an interesting write-up to do (no offense to the Tree, the Waterside, or the Coy Carp earlier this day).  I eagerly approached the Carpet and Vinyl with thoughts of 70’s pubic hair and form-fitting/fluids resistance outfits.

Alas, it was non-euphemistically a carpet and vinyl shop. Sort of the old bait-and-switch (and, come to think of it, “The Bait & Switch” might make a good fetish bar name, too).